


broken boy

by Amnesia



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Band, Depression, Hate, Love, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 10:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2147286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amnesia/pseuds/Amnesia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Hemmings is broken and he just needs someone who would fix him. He just needs someone who cares, someone who loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"Hey, um, this is me, Luke Hemmings. I want to tell you guys something." The boy's blue eyes were filled with tears, some already falling down his cheeks. His bottom lip was quivering, he was on the verge of just bursting out crying. He stared straight to the camera on his laptop, sniffling a little. He gulped slightly, before taking a deep breath and speaking:_

_"I, um, I'm depressed a-and I cut. I also h-have an eating disorder, anorexia. I never told any of you this because I didn't think it would ever get to this point, that it would get this bad. I didn't even tell Ash, or Mikey. Not even Calum knows. No one knows what I go through every day, no one knows about all the hate I get, even from fans. It hurts, to be honest, that t-the people that support this band would just, send me hate. But it doesn't matter anymore. It's all over and done with, it just happens, it's not like anyone can stop it from happening. What does it matter anyways? I'm fucking worthless, a waste of space, a pathetic fag-" Luke tugged on the sleeves of his black Nirvana hoodie, trying to get the sleeves a little bit lower so they'd cover the countless scars on his wrists. A few tears slipped down his pale cheeks and he let out a quiet whimper, he sounded so broken._

_"I mean, I deserve the hate to be honest. Like some of you guys have said I'm the least talented member of the band. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm worthless. And tell you what, I agree with you guys, I'm all those things and even more. I should die, like you've told me so many times. Hell, I-I deserve to die. I don't deserve to live on this earth, I'm a pathetic waste of space. I'm nothing, I'm not important to anyone. No one cares for me, I doubt anyone would even notice if I died." He paused for a while, pushing his blonde locks out of his face and sniffling quietly, wiping some of the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. Luke Hemmings was broken and nobody had seen it, not even those closest to him. Luke felt his wrists sting, a warm liquid slowly dripping down his arm. He mentally cursed, instantly realizing some of his cuts had opened and were now bleeding. He didn't do anything about it though, he just sighed heavily, trying to collect his thoughts so he could continue._

_"I-I just don't see a reason in trying or living. I don't see why I should wake up every morning to this miserable realty, to see all the hateful comments, to see my goddamn fat self staring at me in the mirror... To always have to compare myself to the boys, and to always be the fat and ugly one. The unwanted one. I'm tired of it, guys, I really am. A-Ash, Mikey a-and Calum, I'm really sorry I've been such a burden on you. None of this is your fault, it's mine. Don't worry about me, I'll be in a better place in no time. I love you guys, you're honestly like brothers to me. B-But I have to do this, I just can't keep on trying anymore. I'm sorry." Tears were now endlessly falling down the eighteen-year-old's cheeks, quiet sobs escaping his mouth._

_"I'm sorry. Goodbye." Then he shut the camera, and uploaded the video on Youtube, shutting his laptop off. Luke Hemmings was done for good and there was nothing that could change his mind. He was tired of life, tired of being Luke. He was tired of being the fat kid, tired of being the least important one. He slowly stood up, stumbling a little and made his way to his drawer, opening it slowly and grabbing a small wooden box from inside of it. Then Luke made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He sat down on the cold, white tile floor, resting his back against the bathroom wall. He opened the box, his eyes immediately lighting up slightly at the piece of metal inside. He pulled it out, running his thumb across the sharp edge. Luke pushed the sleeves of his hoodie up, revealing his wrists, every inch of them covered in scars. Old and new, big and small. He brought the cold piece of metal to his skin and slid it across his wrist. Blood immediately started oozing out of the wound, running down his arm. He just kept cutting and cutting, his wrists soon covered in blood. Luke just smiled slightly. He knew this was going to kill him but he didn't even care._

_Soon both of Luke's wrists were covered in deep cuts, deeper than ever before, as well as his thighs. is eyes were starting to droop close due to the blood loss. But Luke didn't care, he would finally get away from all the negativity. All the haters, all the mean comments. He couldn't be happier. And then, just like he had wished, his eyes closed completely and everything went black, his heart only beating slowly and his breathing faint. And then, just like that, he stopped breathing._

 

_\--_

 

The three boys sitting in the hospital's waiting area were quiet, not one of them had uttered a word in a very, very long time. They all had dried tear stains on their cheeks and red, puffy eyes. They couldn't believe what had happened, they couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that a member of their band, practically their little brother, was out there in a hospital room on life-support and could die any second. It was all so surreal and unexpected. None of them had seen it coming. 

It was Calum who found Luke, after seeing the video on Youtube. It was just luck that he had found Luke soon enough to still revive him and get him to the hospital. Though the chances of Luke surviving weren't exactly that great. It was a fifty-fifty chance of surviving. It was, obviously, horrifying for him to find his best friend in the bathroom, his wrists and thighs all cut and covered in blood, his eyes closed. He wasn't even breathing when Calum found him, he was practically dead. Calum remembered how he shook Luke, trying to wake him up, but he had no luck. Luke wouldn't wake up, no matter how hard he tried or what he did. Then, he had just dialed 911 and they had sent and ambulance and taken him to the hospital.

The doctors were still working on Luke, cleaning his wounds and wrapping him up, giving him medication and connecting him to many machines. They hadn't informed the three boys nothing about his condition, all they knew, was that he was alive. But that's all. The fans were going crazy on twitter, as the news had quickly spread. 

"W-What if he won't make it?" Ashton whispered hoarsely, tears falling down his slightly crimson colored cheeks, his hair in every direction possible from all the tugging he had done to it. The two boys stared at him sadly, shaking their heads. Their eyes shared the same worried and sad look, they all were complete wrecks.  
"Don't think like that Ash, Luke will wake up. He has to." Calum whispered, his voice quivering with each word he spoke. He was trying to convince not only Michael and Ashton but himself too that Luke would indeed wake up. He felt so guilty he hadn't noticed that he didn't notice how depressed Luke was. That he never noticed the cuts or him not eating. He never saw it, and now it was too late.

 

_All they could do was pray, that Luke would be alright and wake up._

 


	2. Chapter two

Luke didn't know where he was at first, by his white surroundings he was hoping he'd died and was in heaven. But as he heard the slow, steady beeping from his left he soon realized that wasn't the case. He hadn't died. He failed. He couldn't even kill himself, oh how he was a fuck up. He never managed to do anything useful, and now he'd just get even more hate than before this. He just wanted to get swallowed by the ground and just die. He'd wanted to die for so long and he failed. Hell, all he wanted at the moment was to die. And now that was taken away from him too. 

Luke groaned a little as he slowly sat up in the hospital bed, shifting his gaze to his arms. They were all bandaged up and a couple wires and IV's were connected to machines beside him. The blonde boy shook his head slightly, his icy blue eyes welling up with tears. He hated himself, he hated this life. And everyone else hated him as well, they want him to die. Luke whimpered and tugged at his hair in frustration, hoping that this was all a terrible joke and that he was actually dead already. There's no place on this earth for a fat and ugly person like me, he thought as tears slowly slipped from his eyes, trailing down his pale cheeks. And then it all dawned on him; what would the boys think? They would most likely kick him out of the band, that's why they weren't here either. They didn't care - they were just like the others. Luke whimpered as the thought kept ringing in his head. He should have known that no one cares for him, not even his best friends. They probably just pretended to care and would now leave him alone because he's a freak. Luke Hemmings is nothing but a fat, ugly, worthless mistake, a freak too. 

Hours passed and Luke did nothing but stare blankly at the white wall, sitting in a cross leg position, his lips slightly parted, his eyes red and glossy; his cheeks tear stained. If anyone would've walked in right then, they would not have seen Luke Hemmings, the member of 5 Seconds Of Summer. They would've seen a broken boy who's totally lost in this world and wants death more than anything. Luke gulped, trying to sustain his cries as suddenly someone knocked on the room door and whispering was heard from the other side. Luke didn't quite know how to react, so he just gulped, wiping his tears away and breathing in deeply before croaking out the most silent "Come in".

As the door opened, three boys entered the room; Luke's best friends. Ashton looked like a wreck, but as he saw Luke his whole expression became pained and his features dropped. Luke looked so broken and he couldn't understand how none of them noticed. Another thing he couldn't understand was why Luke got so much hate. He was handsome, not fat at all (in fact Luke was very much underweight in Ashton's eyes) and most of all, Luke was extremely talented not only at playing guitar but also - he had the most amazing voice. Calum set down the card they'd brought for Luke as well as the cookies the boys had made that morning, all of them being in a hurry. Some of them were quite burnt, but hey, no one ever said they were master chefs. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling lost in this situation; he didn't really know what to say or do. It was heartbreaking to see his best friend in such a broken state, he looked so sad, so fragile. This wasn't the Luke Hemmings he got to know in school, that Luke was confident and sure of himself. That Luke smiled a lot and laughed a lot, that Luke was happy. Whereas this Luke was quiet, tiny, fragile, insecure, sad - suicidal.

"So, uh, how are you feeling?" Michael, who hadn't moved since he stepped into the room, spoke up. His voice was hoarse and quiet, he was staring down at his feet as he spoke. Michael hadn't got any sleep at all that night, he just laid on his bed and thought about the events all night. He also read the comments from fans on twitter and some of them were, in fact, heartbreaking and cruel. He didn't understand why they would say such things - especially about Luke, who's sweet and kind, handsome... He just didn't get it. One particular comment had stuck to Michael's mind, he just couldn't forget about it.

_@5sosloverrr: i wish luke dies tbh._

That comment was so cruel, so cold, so heartless that it actually had made Michael cry. No one should say things like this about anyone and people like this didn't desrve to be called fans. Michael finally glanced up at his best friend, who was running his fingers through his blonde locks as he cleared his throat. His eyes glistened with sadness and hurt. Michael could tell he was lost and that he was also searching for something so say to him, but clearly couldn't decide what to say. Michael just hoped Luke would tell the truth.

"I'm... well, o-o-okay?" Luke stammered, looking at the boys nervously as his eyes turned glossy again. Calum sighed and shook his head. He ran his hand through his black, messy hair before sitting at the edge of Luke's bed and embracing him in a tight hug, the other boys soon joining in too. Tears slipped dow Luke's cheeks as he just sat there, crying his eyes out.

 

_"S-So are you guys gonna kick me out of the band now?" Luke asked sniffling, looking at the others a worried and scared expression on his face._


	3. Chapter 3

Ashton stared at Luke absolutely horrified, taking in the boy's tear stained cheeks, the wet tears running down his pale face. Luke's eyes held this look Ashton wasn't used to see in them. They held fear, absolute and complete fear. And there, underneath that fear was nothing but a dull, sad look. Something that broke Ashton's heart to see. It was, after all, his best friend that was right here, in such a state. His best friend had attempted suicide. And thank God he'd not succeeded at it. The heavy silence hung in the room, no one was saying anything. All that could be heard was their breathing, the steady beeping of Luke's heart monitor, although the pace of the beeps was starting to quicken, and Luke's occasional sniffles. Ashton glanced over at Calum and Michael, who looked equally horrified that Luke would even think, let alone ask, about such a thing.

"No, God, no Luke!" Ashton finally cried out, staring at the blonde boy intensely, feeling his eyes get glossy again. Luke just stared back at him, not saying a word for a while. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair, slightly tugging at it, clearly frustrated. Ashton didn't understand Luke. Why would he go to such extreme lengths just because of the hate? He didn't understand, though he wanted to. Luke's bottom lip trembled, as he glanced between his three friends that were all staring at him.

"W-Why not? I mean, I'm worthless a-and a fuck up." He whispered, tears yet again pooling in his eyes, his lashes soon being coated by fresh tears, the familiar sting in his eyes. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, beyond tired. Luke felt so hopeless as he stared at his band mates wondering, if they even cared for him. Of course anyone would've said that it was foolish, extremely foolish, to even think like that. But Luke was too far gone to event realize.

"Luke, you're not a fuck up, for Christ's sake! You mean so much to us, your family, our fans!" Michael screamed out, his eyes welling up with tears. He never liked crying but seeing Luke in such a state literally broke him. He hated this, he hated hated hated this. Seeing Luke like this, so vulnerable and broken, yet so full of hatred. It all directed towards himself. Luke flinched at the loudness and harshness of Michael's words, shrinking a little. Michael's eyes widened in realization as Luke's bottom lip trembled, tears now streaming down his cheeks at a more rapid pace. He didn't mean to yell at Luke, he was just so horrified by all that had happened. Michael shook his head, stammering a quick apology before running out of the room, tears filling his eyes and making his sight all foggy. It didn't take long until he heard Calum yell for him behind him, only making him run faster.

"S-See? I made him leave!" Luke wailed, hugging his arms tightly around his body. Ashton shook his head, sitting on Luke's bed and wrapping his arms tightly around Luke's rather bony body, pulling the younger boy into his tight embrace. Luke cried on Ashton's shoulder, his tears soaking his shirt, but Ashton didn't really mind. This was after all his best friend they were talking about, this was Luke. It was odd to see Luke cry because Ashton wasn't used to it, Luke usually never cried. 

"Luke you didn't make him leave, Mikey is just a little upset. He was so scared to lose you. We all were, well are." Ashton spoke softly, running his fingers through Luke's soft blonde locks as the younger boy hiccuped and trembled in his embrace. Luke was so broken it scared Ashton, because he knew that this wouldn't be easy to fix. Luke was o vulnerable, insecure and apparently he also had depression. It all scared Ashton to no limit, Luke might have to go to rehab and that was the last thing Ashton ever wanted to happen. He didn't want Luke to get sent away to God knows where, for God knows how long.

"We need you, Luke. You're my best friend, I love you. And we can't lose you, okay?" Ashton spoke, still holding Luke close to him. Luke's cries had subsided to occasional sniffles, the boy held onto Ashton's shirt tightly, as if his life depended on it. Luke wasn't okay, but he wanted Ashton and the others to think he was. Because really, he didn't want to go to rehab where they would treat him like some crazy psychopath. Well, of course the fact that Luke had attempted suicide and that he cut made him a freak but he didn't want to be treated like a goddamn psychopath, like someone who is mental.

"B-But y-you'll send me away!" Luke cried out loudly, clutching Ashton's shirt tighter, his body beginning to tremble again. Luke felt his throat tightening, breathing became harder and his heartbeat increased. His lungs felt as though they were on fire, he couldn't get air in. He was suffocating, he couldn't breathe. No matter how hard he tried, his breathing was merely wheezing, hardly any air making it to his lungs. Luke began to tremble more violently, trying his best to breathe, to just get any air in at all. His lungs were in fire and it frightened him. 

"A-Ash! H-Help can't... breathe!" Luke wheezed, tears streaming from his eyes. Ashton didn't know what else to do than to press the red button beside Luke's hospital bed, that would send doctors in. He honestly had no idea what to do, he had never been in a situation like this before. So when the doctors came rushing in, trying to get Luke to calm down, Ashton could only hold Luke's hand tightly. old his hand to assure Luke that he wouldn't be left alone and that everything would be alright.


End file.
